8. Food During An Emergency or Cafe Express Is Closed EVERYBODY PANIC!

Pre-Hurricane, I had moved into a new house. Moving is beyond expensive, so I was broke. Don't ever move.

Second, I had been a vegetarian--it seemed like a good idea at the time.

I had also just started a new job. Commission based! So, so,so broke.

Of course, here comes a hurricane.





I had a lot of non-perishable foods on hand. Asian and Mediterranean foods are very cheap non-meat-based diets so I had bags of rice, beans, pasta and good variety of canned goods.

After Ike hit I realized how valuable a bag of spaghetti and a can of sauce truly is. Friends of mine fled to Dallas after day 1 realizing that Miyako's was not going to be able to put food in their bellies immediately. Also, after de-evacuating from my house, my mother made her way back to Mont Bellvieu where trees had annihilated every power line . Hope of electricity being restored before 3 weeks time was nil. Her pantry had a pine tree living in it and no power meant no well, so she waited in FEMA lines every day for 14 days for food and water.

That made me realize how important having a fully stocked pantry is. I know that "food in house=food in your belly" sounds like a really condescending thing but, take a quick inventory. Food storage is the least of our immediate worries living in a major metropolitan area where restaurants abound. Think about the grocery store, the restaurants, the convenience stores being shuttered. "Welp. Let's go to Dallas!" is not always an alternative. Evac routes maybe clogged. What if there's no gas? And in severe cases, why leave your home if looters are around?


You can easily create an emergency food storage kit for less than $100.

-dry goods: instant rice, tuna helper, spaghetti, instant oatmeal, cereals
-canned food: soup, ravioli, sauce, chili, meats
-snacky foods: crackers, poptarts, trail mix
-coffee/drink mixes


You can purchase all of these things at the grocery store and then store them in "food grade" buckets (found at Home Depot, Lowes, Etc.) in a closet for that very rainiest of days all for less than your bar tab on any Tuesday night. Okay, maybe for less than my bar tab on any Tuesday night, but still, way cheap in the grand scheme of things.

"How do I heat this shit up? I like my food hot, jerk!" -- you might be thinking right now. If you are, I will counter-point with "Why don't you own a grill?". If you live in Texas grill-ownership is mandatory. If you are a resident of Texas and don't own a grill you're on some government list already anyway, and there's nothing I can do to help you at this point. Moving forward, GRILL OWNERS, all you need to sufficiently heat up a meal is some charcoal and some lighter fluid and a match and a stainless steel/cast iron pot or pan. Done and done.



Fire. On loan from cavemen. Get it while you can!

You might be thinking that this is a steaming bowl of crazytalk right now but let's consider some alternatives:

Waiting in FEMA lines with hot, sweaty, hungry, angry people/waiting in traffic with hot, sweaty, hungry, angry people VS. lounging about while eating a Power Bar and a bowl of Spaghettios and leafing through a back issue of ELLE on your couch.

Who's crazy now? Well, me. But if you agree, even a little bit, you! Welcome to the club! BWAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAAAA! .....Where's my pills???

9. The Princess of Darkness

Life after a Cat 3 kept me feeling foolish as hell. Walking through the house I went to flip a light switch, which resulted in my going "HURRRRRDURRRRRRRR" internally. It was quite shameful.

The electricity was out for an 8 day span. No lights, no fridge, no hot water. (Thanks electric water heater. You suck at life.).

Four things to have during this nonsense:


1. hand held can opener
Have you ever stabbed a can of Dinty Moore Stew open with a buck knife? It sucks. Not only are you introducing shards of metal into your dinner, you're getting beef fat spewed all over your coveted Martika concert shirt. Congratulations. You have food but now you smell like a bag of dirty feet on fire and you are no longer welcome at the "Toy Soldiers" fan meetup at the Planet Hollywood in Myrtle Beach next week.

2. cell phone charger with car adapter
Once your phone is drained and you have no power source to recharge it, you've got yourself a fancy paperweight or something to throw at stray children that happen to make their way into your yard (see: chapter 17 "The Joys of an Electric Fence"). Keeping in contact with your people during a natural disaster is paramount. Having a phone charger that works in your vehicle is essential when your home has no electricity. FYI Texting is the best way of communicating with friends and family after a natural disaster and requires less juice than talking. Also, iPhones have a "brightness" setting. Setting your phone to a lower brightness will also conserve it's energy.

3. candles
Well, duh, you say. But how many candles do you have in your house? Do you know the amount of hours they'll last? Usually you can get 10 emergency candles at the Dollar Store for ONE WHOLE DOLLAR. SHAZZAM! Now you can see shit after the sun sets without electricity. Don't thank me or anything.

4. heated water
If you have an electric water heater and the water is still running you are kind of in luck. You will be able to take a shower but it will feel like someone is whipping iced-over gravel at your face. yay....???

One way to circumvent this trauma is to place 4 or 5 12 oz. water bottles out in the sun. About 30 minutes later they'll be warmed up and you can bathe with minimal cursing. If you're wanting a full-shower experience, I invested in this http://store.sundancesolar.com/sosh5ga.html after the hurricane and I recommend it for anyone living in the gulf coast area. It's the Cadillac of self-heating shower bags and less than 9 bucks.